Probably The Best Blog In The World

Quick Update.

2006-06-26T20:31:00.000-07:00

It's been a weird month, I've had a few personal troubles (michelle has severely fucked me over), one of my mate's daughters was killed, one of my snakes died, a friend turned out to have a nasty little secret so he's no longer a friend, Paul is in hospital...the list goes on...

I've taken a break from keeping my snakes...I still have 2 here, I promised someone I would take care of them...so I couldn't go back on my word. As gay as that probably sounds...

Been offered a new job...it's door duty again, I know I hate it...but the money they're offering is...it's ridiculous!!!

Needless to say, I've had quite a lot on my mind lately. So, apologies to you if I've seemed a bit off, hopefully things are back on track now.

Oh...before I bugger off...Robert and Jen, I believe congratulations are in order?...so when's the big day? And just incase he hasn't worked the bottle up yet...*gets down on one knee* Jen, will you marry Robert?...ah go on you know you wannna!

erm

2006-05-31T06:15:00.000-07:00

What to write, what to write?

This week was interesting...I took a kicking and made a total tit of myself, so yeah, was fun!

The end!

Verbally challenged.

2006-05-22T07:10:00.000-07:00

I have had a very recent realisation that I am a social retard, I really cannot converse. This is odd considering that I am never usually short of a word or two when it comes to my very private hobby of writing.

What makes this worse is whenever I am thrown into a situation where I feel nervous or any emotion really I have this inability to just say nothing, oh no...instead I ramble and make a right arsehole of myself. It's a recent thing, I don't understand it and I certainly can't explain it, but until I can sort it take this as an apology!

Right, not exactly an informative update, but I'm fat, lazy and generally just can't be arsed so tough!

A couple of fine articles.

2006-05-16T22:30:00.000-07:00

Both written by Chick Young, someone who has a greater grasp on sarcasm and irony than even myself.

Frankly, I don't know how to break this news to you. But it would appear that Fifa plan to carry on with the World Cup this summer despite Scotland's decision to snub the tournament on the basis of non-qualification.
Scandalous, but there you are.
This, of course, has not stopped supermarket giants like Asda cashing in by the flogging of fashion items which would have you boast temporary allegiance to Italy or Brazil. Or indeed England.
But they overstepped the mark when they tried to market a t-shirt which claimed that England invented football, about as ridiculous a claim as the Dutch copyrighting mountaineering.
It was the kind of notion which had my Caledonian blood frothing with indignation.
I was as open-jawed with shock as I was when my tickets to see Neil Sedaka arrived to my house, addressed to Glasgow, England. Raging, I was and I told the girl in the booking agency that Neil Sedaka or not, this could be our last song together.
But I digress. There is no proof at all that the English invented soccer.
Nor is there concrete evidence that the beautiful game is the fruit of Scottish loins... although I would point out that the first international football match was played in Glasgow in 1868.
And of course Scots took the game to the world.
The English though have hi-jacked the sport. Or tried to, with songs like "It's coming home" the 1996 European Championships anthem by Baddiel and Skinner - a jaunty wee tune, I admit, but scandalously historically inaccurate. Three lies on the shirt.
Still, it would be juvenile to rant on about it in a column such as this.
Of much more interest is to whom the unemployed Tartan Army - demobbed until the launching of the 2008 European Championships qualifying campaign - will lend their support this summer. And who they think will win the tournament.
Several branches of the Scotland Travel Club are decanting to various points to enjoy a holiday on which they will view the tournament.
Some are going to Aviemore and preparing in classic Scottish fashion for the tournament. They're buying new television sets and filling the fridge with beer.
Others are attending Germany and backing, just for fun, other nations. Trinidad and Tobago, Paraguay and Sweden - for no apparent reasons - seem to be among the favourites.
Me? I'm a Francophile and have always bathed in the warmth of the Auld Alliance, the centuries long relationship between Scotland and France.
Zidane's retiring... it will be sad moment for all of us who enjoy a croissant of a morning.
And what of England? I think they will do well actually because in Wayne Rooney they have a player who is the genuine article when the bar-room talk turns to World class players.
I actually intend to bet them for a semi-final place and will cheer them robustly until the first over the top comment by one of their media. That should take me five minutes into the opening fixture.
Furthermore, it is an old tactic to back those you fear might win something... because then if they do then at least you have the consolation of a financial windfall.
Anyway here's to a great World Cup. We Scots are just jealous and that's a fact.
I'll put my t-shirt on it - but not that one from Asda.

This next article addresses an issue that's very close to home for me, it talks of the bigotry and sectarianism that plagues Scotland. Well worth a read.

Deep down I suspect that Uefa would like it if God would just drag Scotland westwards a couple of thousand miles into the Atlantic. Then this little troublesome spot on the face of Europe wouldn't be their concern any more.
They think we're nuts, you know. And worse still, I think they may have a point.
The only thing is, the recent actions of European football's overlords have been similarly bizarre.
First they allege that Rangers, in particular, have a problem with sectarian chanting, an issue with which few of sane mind would argue. And, in a move which threatened to drag a percentage of their fans kicking and screaming into the 18th century, never mind the 21st, Uefa threatened to throw the book at them for their behaviour in the Champions' League games against Villarreal.
But that book turned out to be about as thick as a slice of Ryvita.
Now they may appeal their own decision to clear Rangers who nearly fainted at the not guilty decision which was delivered on the charges.
Confused? I don't blame you. This unfolding of events would baffle a professor of logic.
But let's cut to the chase here. It's time for Scotland to order a taxi to the real world.
Don't cloud the issue in a fog of semantics about what songs are offensive. If you're drawing up a list I want Agadoo on it. But that hardly helps.
Don't give me gobbledegook about the real meaning of "Fenian" or "Hun" or any other noun, adjective or verb which relates not at all to the football club concerned.
We're small minded, pathetic, wrapped up in the past and worse still one of the most powerful bodies in world football has given up the ghost because they reckon that songs that chorus praise about "the Billy Boys" are related to a problem in Scotland which has gone on so long it is part of our social and historical background.
In short, we are beyond help.
For the moment, Uefa will leave us to stew in our own juice of sectarian madness, but this is not going to go away.
Don't blame Rangers for this - at least not the current administration.
I honestly believe that after decades, more than a century in fact, of dogged intransigence that the David Murray stewardship of the club has made real inroads into this madness.
From the moment he and Graeme Souness first swallowed hard and decided to press on with the signing of Maurice Johnston, the club has been stirring from a dark age.
But the supporters are going to have to realise that this won't wash any more.
At Rangers, at Celtic, at Hearts or even Partick Thistle who have a curious terracing hymn in which the Pope and the Queen both get it.
And what on earth has a banner asking me to remember 1690 doing at a football match as it was at Villarreal? I can't even remember what I had for my lunch yesterday.
The world has changed. The once acceptable isn't acceptable any more. Race, religion, colour or creed doesn't dictate what kind of person you are.
Not that it ever did, but once upon a time society believed it to be so.
Lunatics are exactly that and the colour of their skin or the church which they attend - or more precisely don't attend - won't change that fact.
The Scottish game needs to clean up its act and if supporters of Rangers and Celtic think Uefa won't be recording events at their next little get together then they can discuss it at their next meeting of the Flat Earth Society.

Quick Update

2006-05-15T20:16:00.000-07:00

It's 4:40 am, I'm bored senseless and a wee bit tired, so this will probably turn out to be utter nonsense. When I recover my sanity, I will doubtless delete it.

Best start with some 'good' news...

I am supposed to be starting a new job in a couple of weeks, it's long overdue for me to make my return to the kitchens of Glasgow and impress my own brand of culinary vision upon the restaurant goers of this once great city.

I am, however still looking for a position south of the border. For too long have I lived in the shadows of the hate and bigotry that envelopes Scotland as a whole, and Glasgow in particular.

The effervescent Gedman is trying to encourage me to channel hop to Switzerland with him for the Winter season. To say I'm tempted is an understatement, but to be perfectly honest, I'd much prefer the stability of a decent permanent position in the UK.

Think I have finally found a place that I could settle and be happy, gorgeous wee place, St Ives (Cornwall). It has an air of romance about it, seems almost timeless, it knows that we are in the 21st century, but is in no hurry to catch up.

Ultimately and somewhat sadly, it will come down to wherever I can find a position that will provide me with the greater prospects and remuneration package. I remember when i first started out, it was all about the food, I would have worked for free providing I was working with quality ingrediants, and cooking up a treat. It's amazing how your standards slip as soon as society tells you it's time to grow up.